Creating and Procreating: Owning What Wants to be Born

Ive been meditative about carrying an additional baby for 4 years now. Because we was a developed aged age of 36 when my daughter Siena was born, we proposed articulate about it right away. In fact, my father as well as we were so sure we were meant to have during slightest one some-more baby which we took my IUD out when Siena was eight months aged as well as we were all ready to go during it again.Then my stay-home Daddy father cut dual fingers off his left palm with a table saw as well as all hell pennyless loose. So we tabled a thought for during slightest a year, given Matt had pins in his palm from 8 hours of surgery as well as couldnt even a shift a diaper. Then he had to get dual some-more surgeries. Then we were switching illness word plans, so we couldnt get pregnant. It was literally one thing after another.But Ive eventually come to a sure assent about a fact which we dont consider we will be carrying an additional kid (sniff, dab). Now, Im almost 41 as well as it only seems similar to a time has passed, as well as Im fine with that. But theres this small pang when we consider about it. Its almost sufficient to make me rethink my decision to put my IUD back inbut not quite. Recently, we was articulate to a crony as well as we realized which Ive been gestating as well as giving bieing born for over 4 years now- as well as Im a small tired. In a past 4 years, Ive been bustling giving bieing born to ME.How it all came to passIt all proposed Jan 6, 2006, when Siena was born. By a spring of which year, a thought which we competence leave my pursuit as a full-time OB/GYN was planted, as well as by later which year, we had taken a Pleap (Pink jump of faith) by quitting my job. we outlayed most of 2007 gestating what a truly total illness healing use could demeanour similar to as well as forgetful about being of service in a total brand brand brand brand brand brand new way. That same year, we wrote a memoir. In 2008, we joined an unifying illness use as well as! nurture d a small seed in me until it blossomed. In 2008, we grew Owning Pink in my belly as well as gave bieing born to it in Apr 2009. In Dec 2009, we gave bieing born to dual some-more books. Now, Im about to do it all again by starting a Owning Pink Center in Apr 2010. And then, Ill write my subsequent book.What wants to come through?Which leaves me with small time or appetite for allowing a baby spirit to grow in to a tellurian being inside my womb. With this fulfilment comes some-more than a diminutive bit of angst. Am we being selfish for denying my daughter a event to have a sibling? Have we become a work-aholic with no balance in life? Am we expending my beautiful appetite wisely or competence we be improved off negligence down as well as growing my family?To be honest, we only dont know. All we know is which a urge to emanate businesses as well as books seems to be stronger for me than a urge to procreate. And given we already feel ripped between my joining to portion my patients as well as Owning Pink as well as my joining to motherhood, my desire is to protect myself from feeling ripped even further. Why emanate some-more conflict for myself?Priorities?Some competence decider this as un-feminine. They competence consider Im a bad mama or which my priorities have been not straight. And theyre welcome to their opinion. But me? Ive only gotta OWN it. It is what it is. Thats how we feel, which God is regulating me as a vessel to give bieing born to alternative creations, which each book, each blog post, each workshop, each studious encounter is a co-creation between a dual of us, which we am apropos a mom over as well as over again, each time we tap in to a divine spark as well as emanate something new.And nonetheless it doesnt demeanour how others expect it to look. Im not things oneself brand brand brand brand brand brand new blonde beings in to a Mill Valley preschool system. Im not buying brand brand brand brand brand brand new pinkish clothes ! for a si ster for Siena. Im not sitting in a stirrups pulling a baby out in to this world. But damn, it sure feels similar to we am. we feel similar to we mom during slightest a dozen brand brand brand brand brand brand new creations right now. Which leaves me feeling similar to we dont need to get profound again to serve my lifes purpose.OpinionsBelieve me- others feel differently. My mom would adore to have an additional grandchild. Sienas preschool clergyman would adore to meet a baby brother. Even a small psychic a crony hired to review me pronounced we had dual some-more baby spirits watchful to get born. But we have to be fine with that. we have to live with a uncertainty, a probable regret, a fact which my family doesnt demeanour just a approach we illusory it when we was a small lady forgetful of white picket fences.It all comes down to creationCreation can get confusing, cant it? There have been days when we cant tell how my beautiful forces have been best expended. Should we dance with a Divine as well as co-create a brand brand brand brand brand brand new message to share with a world? Should we co-create a brand brand brand brand brand brand new array of art? Should we co-create brand brand brand brand brand brand new writings? Should we co-create an additional baby? It gets muddy, Ill admit. we get confused as hell. We all only do a best we can as well as pray which what we emanate is finished from a place of a top intentions as well as a noblest part of a souls. Then we obey to living in a muck.What about you? Do we ever confuse your beautiful energy? Can we tell what youre supposed to emanate next? Do we consider giving bieing born to babies in any approach resembles giving bieing born to businesses, art, writing, or alternative beautiful projects? Am we totally off my rocker here?Lets talk about this. we overtly consider its such rich, luscious stuff. Giving bieing born is so inherently what we as females have been all about which it nearly defi! nes us. Yet, cant we enhance a concept of what it equates to to move hold up in to a world? How most creations have we squelched to give bieing born to babies? How most babies have we neglected to have given we were bustling in business? Are we so bustling portion your community, your family, or your pursuit which youve forgotten to give bieing born to YOU?
Lissa Rankin is an OB/GYN physician, owner of Owning Pink, as well as author of a stirring What's Up Down There: Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend (St. Martin's Press, Sep 2010).