16 Sneaky Ways You Sabotage Your Own Happiness (And What To Do About It)
16 Sneaky Ways You Sabotage Your Own Happiness (And What To Do About It) |
- 16 Sneaky Ways You Sabotage Your Own Happiness (And What To Do About It)
- Early Morning Buddhist Inspiration - 5/11/2013
- Early Morning Zen Buddhism Inspiration - 5/11/2013
- Bird Flu Cases Declining, Health Officials Say
- Brain Area for Ticklish Laughter Found
- Avoiding cruelty, the “far enemy” of compassion
- A Guide to Practical Compassion
| 16 Sneaky Ways You Sabotage Your Own Happiness (And What To Do About It) Posted: 11 May 2013 12:00 PM PDT  You want to be happy. In fact, you try really hard to be happy. But something always seems to come along and ruin everything. You get into fights with your friends or family. You can't quite catch a break with your career. It feels like nothing good ever happens in your life. On most days, your life feels like a bad movie – one where you can't even get your money back. Everything just feels miserable. Can you even remember the last time you actually felt happy? The Real Causes of UnhappinessDuring one summer while I was in university, I was unhappy. I was unhappy because my friends had better summer jobs than me. I got better grades than them. So why were THEY getting all the cool jobs? The real low point came when we traded stories on our respective jobs at the end of summer. I found that most of them had key roles in prestigious companies. Some even got to choose which projects to work on, and leveraged that into connections with top executives. I was jealous. That's because I spent the entire summer doing data entry. So to protect my bruised ego, I told myself how my friends just got lucky, how they had connections I didn't have, and so on. I spent months thinking such thoughts to make myself feel happier. But in the end that didn't help. It didn't help because nothing had changed. Instead of taking action to improve my job prospects for next summer, I chose to bubble wrap myself in made-up excuses. I was sabotaging any chance for me to be happy. The Secret to Being HappyIt took me a while, but I eventually learned that happy people have problems too. They get into fights with others. They don't always get lucky breaks, even if they deserve them. ! And contrary to what we may want to believe, not everything that happens in their lives is good. But they know the secret to being happy: it's all in your head. Happy people have a more proactive and positive view of life. They believe they have the power to make things better for themselves and others. They believe they are masters of their own destinies. Because of this very attitude, they are not easily brought down by bad things that happen in life. Finally, happy people don't make excuses for things they know they should be doing. It took me a long time to learn this, and even longer to apply it to my own life. My friends got cool jobs because they WORKED for them, while I just complained on the sidelines HOPING to get a cool job. It was time to stop sabotaging myself with self-defeating thoughts. 15 Warning Signs Your Thinking is Sabotaging Your HappinessI sabotaged my happiness in a lot of ways that summer. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I do. And I've included some of the warning signs in the list below for you. Are you sabotaging yourself now as I was?
The Final Warning Sign (#16)Go back to the list above and look at the various points again. How many of them apply to you? More importantly, does the following, final warning sign apply to you? You would rather talk than to take action. You may nod your head as you sheepishly ! check off! on the previous warning signs. But will you actually TAKE ACTION to change things? Not taking action is a sure way to sabotage yourself, stay stuck, and be unhappy. I wish I could tell you an epic, Hollywood-like conclusion for my summer job story. No, I didn't get a spectacular job offer the following year. In fact, the rest of my summer jobs throughout university were pretty normal. But I did learn how to be happy. That's because I made the effort to change how I think. The transformation didn't happen overnight. But each time I complained or let a negative thought creep into my head, I would push it back out. Slowly, I embraced the notion that I have the power to change and improve my life. Happiness Begins with YouYou have a choice. You can spend the rest of your life feeling miserable. You can complain to anyone within earshot, eventually pushing even your closest supporters away. You can lash out at the world because you feel someone or something "owes" you a happier life. Or you can choose to be happy. All it takes is for you to view things differently. Believe that you have the power to create happiness in your life. Know that you deserves better. Trust that it will all work out. You can do this. What are you waiting for?
Have a bucket list? Create yours today with this list of 101 things to do before you die! Grab your free pdf e-book in the next second by signing up for the free newsletter.     Read More @ Source | |||
| Early Morning Buddhist Inspiration - 5/11/2013 Posted: 11 May 2013 10:00 AM PDT "The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly." ~The Buddha      Read More @ Source | |||
| Early Morning Zen Buddhism Inspiration - 5/11/2013 Posted: 11 May 2013 10:00 AM PDT "The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly." ~The Buddha Read More @ Source | |||
| Bird Flu Cases Declining, Health Officials Say Posted: 11 May 2013 03:00 AM PDT
The number of new cases of the H7N9 bird flu is dropping, health officials said today (May 10). While the outbreak is still ongoing, new cases are being reported less frequently in May than in April, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said. As of May 8, there were 131 total cases of H7N9 bird flu, and 32 of these patients have died. In the first week of April, 21 new cases of the illness were reported in total, with multiple cases reported each day in that week. In contrast, health officials were notified of just four additional cases between May 2 and May 7. The World Health Organization is now releasing updates about new H7N9 cases just once a week, instead of daily. The reason for the drop-off is not clear. It could be due in part to efforts to reduce exposure to the virus throughclosing live bird markets, the CDC said. But it could also be the result of the changing seasons. Just like human influenza viruses, bird flu viruses follow seasonal patterns as well — for instance, the bird flu virus H5N1 is known to be more active in the winter than the summer. The pattern of H7N9 remains to be seen, but it's possible that cases may pick up in colder months, the CDC said. Right now, there are no reports of sustained human-to-human transmission of the virus. No cases of H7N9 have been seen in the United States, and currently, the risk to people living in the U.S. is low, the CDC said. Even if a case of H7N9 is reported in the United States, it would not necessarily raise the public's risk. (The risk would rise if the transmission pattern of the virus changes — for instance, if it begins to spread between people, the CDC said.) If a person in the United States is found to have H7N9, he or she would be isolated, and people that the patient came into contact with would be tested for illness. The CDC is in the process of developing a H7N9 flu vaccine in case it's needed. It typically takes six months to produce large quantities of flu vaccine, but health officials have not decided yet whether to mass-produce the H7N9 vaccine. Follow Rachael Rettner @RachaelRettner. Follow MyHealthNewsDaily @MyHealth_MHND, Facebook & Google+. Originally published on LiveScience.  Read More @ Source | |||
| Brain Area for Ticklish Laughter Found Posted: 11 May 2013 02:00 AM PDT
A laugh that prompts you to cry out, "That tickles!" activates different brain areas than a laugh not provoked by tickling, a new study from Germany suggests. In the study, about 30 men and women in their 20s were tickled for science — they had their feet tickled by a friend or partner while their brains were scanned in a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine. Separately, participants were asked to produce a laugh voluntarily (not in response to a joke) inside an fMRI machine, which measures blood flow to different areas of the brain to provide a real-time map of brain activity. Both ticklish laughter and voluntary laughter activated the Rolandic operculum brain region, which is located in the primary sensory-motor cortex and is involved in movements of the face; both laughter types were also linked to activity in brain regions involved in vocal emotional reactions, such as crying. However, only ticklish laughter activated the hypothalamus, a part of the brain involved in regulating many functions, including visceral reactions, the researchers said. [Which Animals Are Ticklish?] Ticklish laughter also activated parts of the brain thought to be involved in anticipation of pain, which supports the idea that people who are tickled react defensively, the researchers said. Ticklish laughter appeared to activate the same brain networks seen in earlier studies of humorous laughter. However, humorous laughter also activates an area of the brain involved in "higher order" functions, as well as a part of the brain called the nucleus accumbens, which is thought to be part of the brain's "pleasure center." Ticklish laughter did not activate these areas. The results, which will be detailed in the June issue of the journal Cerebral Cortex, confirm the idea that ticklish laughter is a "building block" of humorous laughter — an idea first proposed by Charles Darwin and Ewald Hecker in the late 1800s, the researchers noted. The study was conducted by researchers at the University of Greifswald in Germany, and researchers at the University of Fribourg and University of Basel in Switzerland. Follow Rachael Rettner @RachaelRettner. Follow MyHealthNewsDaily @MyHealth_MHND, Facebook & Google+. Originally published on LiveScience. Read More @ Source | |||
| Avoiding cruelty, the “far enemy” of compassion Posted: 10 May 2013 10:00 PM PDT
But cruelty, the opposite, or "far enemy" of compassion is more straightforward. Or it would seem to be. I'm not sure it always is! The straightforward side of cruelty is deliberately causing physical pain to others. Now of course when we're children we often just don't understand that small creatures you're tormenting are actually experiencing pain. We just see the worm writhing and think it's funny. And we may need to be taught that what seems like fun for us isn't fun for the other; that the other creature's pain is as real to it as ours is to us. And with that leap, empathy is born. There are a few places in the early Buddhist teachings where the Buddha helps children to become aware of their cruelty. One time he came across a crowd of boys who were fishing, and he simply asked them "Boys, do you fear pain? Do you dislike pain?" Of course the boys did. And the Buddha points out, in the Dhammapada, the empathic basis of non-cruelty: "All tremble at violence; all fear death. Putting oneself in the place of another, one should not kill nor cause another to kill." So this brings up the question of vegetarianism. If you eat meat you're either killing or you cause another to kill. An animal has to die. So you might not think it's cruel to eat meat, but a lot of cruelty has gone into bringing the meat to your lips. The Buddha didn't force his monks and nuns to be vegetarian, but remember that the monks and nuns lived by seeking offerings of food as they went door to door. And although we think of India now as being largely a vegetarian country, it certainly wasn't at that time; there are plenty of references in the Buddhist scriptures to butchers, and to cows being slaughtered (cows that Hindus now consider sacred). So imagine living by begging from door to door, accepting what's put in your bowl, and remaining vegetarian. It wouldn't be easy. And as confirmation of this, the early Buddhists saw vegetarianism as an ascetic practice, along with wearing cast-off rags and sleeping under trees. To be a vegetarian monk would have meant risking malnutrition and illness. But I presume you're not a monk and don't live by begging from door to door. You do have a choice about what you eat, and you can choose to eat food that involves less cruelty. In fact I've been a vegan (again!) for the last four months, because there's a lot of killing and pain involved in the dairy and egg industries, and I'd like to contribute less to that. People get very attached to eating meat, and this attachment makes them indifferent to suffering.  If you like my articles, please check out my books, guided meditation CDs, and MP3s. But there's a lot of cruelty involved in our lives in subtler ways. Not all cruelty is to do with causing physical pain or taking life. Cruelty is, fundamentally, the desire to make others feel pain (even emotional pain) or to deny them happiness. Listen to your thoughts and words, and see how often you blame others for things that have gone wrong. We often want to make people feel bad. Listen to the jokes and put-downs you make at others' expense, or even at your own expense. (We can be cruel to ourselves, too). How often do we rain on someone's parade when they're really excited about something? How often does our ego prompt us to be obstructive: someone at work has an idea, and we immediately switch to fault-finding and obstructionism. It can be laziness or being unwilling to change on our part that leads to us acting in this way, or it may be that we don't want the other person to get any credit, but we can take positive pleasure in stopping people from seeking happiness and satisfaction. We tend to believe that punishment — the infliction of suffering in order to modify behavior — is a necessary part of everyday life, especially when it comes to children. Many people still hit their children, which I find incredible. And yet the most effective trainers of animals show us that punishment is totally counter-productive to getting the behavior you desire. Rewards work much better — and rewards can just be a "good job" or a "Thank you, I appreciate what you just did." So watch out for how you think and talk and behave. You can always backtrack, apologize, try again with more kindness. And make sure that you're not unkind to yourself as you become more aware of the small cruelties embedded in the way you behave, speak, and think. Be compassionate to yourself, for the most common target of our cruelty may well be ourselves. Read More @ Source | |||
| A Guide to Practical Compassion Posted: 10 May 2013 02:00 PM PDT By Leo BabautaIf I've found two guiding principles in my life, they are contentment and compassion. With these two ideas, life becomes better. Contentment makes every moment better. And compassion makes your connection with others better. What Compassion Is, & Some DifficultiesLet's talk about compassion for a few minutes, because as important as it is, very few people talk about how to actually do it. First a definition: the simple definition of compassion is feeling and understanding the pain of others, and then wanting to reduce that suffering. In practice, it's a lot harder. How do you understand the pain of others? If I see anything about you, it's based on very limited information, just what you've shown me — and often, based on very limited interactions. So I have to project a story that I make up about you, and the truth is, it's probably wrong. But sometimes that's all we have to work with, and then gain more information once we've started to apply it. If you have a large group of people — me trying to find compassion for all of you, for example — that can be very difficult. How do I find empathy with thousands of people? It's almost impossible. So you see that applied compassion can become a complex thing. Much more easily applied on an individual basis. The Only Way to Actually Do CompassionLet's say you want to ease someone's suffering, how do you do that? That's not something you can just make happen. People aren't just objects you can act on. Sometimes you want people to let you solve their problems, but they'd rather have control over their own lives (imagine that!). A better way is to show them the tools that you've used to ease your own suffering, and let them know you'll help them if they want help using those tools. To practice compassionate actions, you start with yourself. A lot of people see suffering in the world and feel bad about it, but they don't know how to take action. The best way to take action is to take action with yourself. The only person you can control with any degree of success is yourself. There is actually immense suffering within ourselves, and we can start to ease that, and when we do, we then now have a model for applying that to others. To one other person, to a thousand, or to the world. Your self-compassion becomes a model for everybody else. If I can be compassionate with myself, then I know how I did it. I can tell others the amazing results, and how they can do it too. Then you have a model that can be replicated, and they can apply that to themselves, and then you have compassion being made on a large scale, just by starting with yourself. Will the same method that worked for me work for everyone else? No, but it'll work for some people, who can replicate it and then they can show their way to others, try each other's methods, and create new methods to try with others. Kind of an open-source compassion network. I think that's the only way to do it. For instance, here on Zen Habits, I constantly try to help people change habits, get out of debt, or realize that there's awesomeness within themselves. But I start with me and show how I did it, then show how you can replicate it within your own lives. Acting to Ease Others' SufferingI can also act in ways that I believe are compassionate to the people right in front of me, and you might think, "Isn't that compassion for others?" But really, it's compassion for myself in another form. It's another self-compassion method. Imagine the pain you feel when you see someone else suffering — the suffering you feel is real suffering, just as the other person is suffering. Yet, most people don't actually ease that suffering in themselves. So, how do you ease that suffering in yourself when you see someone else suffering? You reach out, empathize, make a connection, and look for a way to reduce the other person's suffering, and your own. If the other person opens up, that's great. If not, that's OK, because you've reached out and let them know that you too suffer when you see them suffer. That's a powerful thing. And so your ease your own suffering, and it's a selfish sort of compassion. But that's the only kind there is. The Practical StepsSo compiling all of the above into some practical steps, here's how to do compassion:
This is a simple method that I share with you, but it works wonderfully for me. I hope it helps. Read More @ Source |
Yesterday I wrote about the complexities of the "near enemy" of compassion, which is the grief that arises from attachment. So we might feel bad when we see someone suffering, but not actually have any empathy for them. That's not compassion. It's "grief" at having our normal experience disrupted by someone who's inconsiderate enough to suffer. Or we may spiral into despair and sorrow (which is called "failed compassion") because we're unable to bear the discomfort of knowing someone is suffering. This is all rather tricky for people to get hold of, sometimes, and it's potentially undermining because we can end up doubting, in an unhelpful, self-hating kind of a way, whether our compassion is real.| You are subscribed to email updates from BuddhaRocks ☸ To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
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