I want to exercise. Seriously, I do. I want to in the way that makes me get up and put on workout clothes every single morning because TODAY, if nothing else happens,there will beyoga or a hike in the woods. When the children come home, my daughter says with big smile on her face, You do yoga, mom? She (and just about everyone else Ive ever met) knows how much I long to do yoga and hike in the woods. She seems genuinely excited for me, until I say, Um no. I meant to but it seems I never did actually DO itStrangely, she shows no judgement of her pathetic mother.Clearly, the same cannot be saidfor me. I feel sort of pathetic okay, terribly so. At least, I did until today when I was hiking in the woods.Somewhere around 17 years old, I started to put on the weight. It seemed in my blurry memory that I went from little girl to an overweight young woman in one fell swoop, like when I stopped growing up I just kept growing out. But, it was not so.Afew years ago, I was looking at old picturesand realized that I started putting on the weight around 17 years old, right after I met the man who acouple years in married and had babies with me.No, he wasnt some derangedfood pusher. This was my first really serious relationship, not that I realized that at the time. Before him, Id been sort of consumed by relationship chaos one boyfriend after the next. I was searching for the one, which I later realized was me (much, much later that is). Either way, being in the security of our relationship put an end to that chaos and then the chaos shifted into my relationship with food. Also, I spent so much time being young and in love that I wasnt engaged in any sort of physical activity. Getting serious with him did not change that, my focus was on him not me. I was already living my life from the outside in.Thats what I found out in the woods today. Ive always seenmyself from the outside in. Starting this journey to lose weight, I would ! wake up every day with the intention, the need, even the desire to move my body but I could not make myself do it. I realized I was stuck, in the way people are when they hire me to be their Life Coach, so I reached out to mine.
