Gay and Terrified

Yesterday, a friend messaged me to say that shed given someone information about my work as a Life Coach: I gave your info to one of my dearest friends. She is married and has two kids. She just this morning wrote the words for the first timeI am gayand I am terrified.And just like that I was naked again, folded up on the elegant tile floor of a walk-in shower that I had designed myself just months before. The remodel was needed, mostly, I think to save our marriage, the way some people have a baby because that will make them something that they suspect they are supposed to be. Remodeling the outdated space also gave the downstairs a half-bath, evicting the four children and their slew of friends from the bathroom that led directly into our bedroom. It was a major renovation, which turned the biggest bedroom in the house into a true master suite and when I left, the Master let the children use that bathroom anyway. He had a broken heart and filled it with whoever was around. First, that was me and in my absence, filling that damned shower with the children was a move necessary for his survival. I understand him because that shower nearly killed me, too. At least, I begged it to on the night in question.Id been out with a friend and came home with the truth, MY TRUTH, pulsing through my veins. It wasnt about her, it was me the real me. I kept the real me locked up in a secret room in my mind and Id in time, Id told the friend about my truth, showed her where the real me was being held. She wasnt the first person I showed. In fact, Id revealed my truth to many and yes, even my husband. He thought it was novel, I believe, and containable because of that nice room I kept her in, but this friend...
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